Obstacles vs. Perspective
[This is a talk I gave at a recent Newton County Chamber of Commerce Lunch Link event. So, it reads more like a speech than a blog post. I left it in transcript format. Maybe you can picture yourself there as you read it.]
Our topic for today is Obstacles versus Perspective.
To get started I wanted to share some funny “perspectives” from Don McMillian, comedian with the DryBar Comedy team.
Data isn’t usually funny…but your perspective on the data can create some fun surprises:
1.4 billion people in China
7 billion people on earth
Therefore, 1 out of every 5 babies born on earth are Chinese.
So, from one perspective of the data: if you have 4 kids and are expecting a 5th child…it will be Chinese.
Perspective is important:
44% of marriages end in divorce.
56% of marriages end in death.
Only two ways to end a marriage…so some of you divorced folks are like, yup, got out of that one alive!
65% of Americans are overweight for their height.
OR maybe a different perspective would be…
65% of Americans are just not tall enough for their weight.
“I’m not 20 pounds overweight, I’m just 3 inches too short.”
You don’t need weightwatchers you need heightwatchers.
Oftentimes when faced with obstacles my perspective can get kinda wonky and I can overthink things (this is why we need the help of others), for instance:
When I hear a statistic in an advertisement like:
1 out of 10 people SUFFER from hemorrhoids…I hear…
9 out of 10 people ENJOY hemorrhoids.
See, I need someone who’s been there and scratched that to say, “hey, that’s not what they mean.” I need to change my perspective.
And lastly, and one of the points we’ll make later is that changing your perspective can lead to creative solutions:
If 95% of car accidents occur 1 mile from your home, the safest thing to do is park one mile from your home and walk the rest of the way.
Ok. That’s silly. Not how it works. So, let’s talk about some real obstacles and perspectives.
We all encounter obstacles in our work, our relationships, in our families, finances, faith, heath…there are all kinds of obstacles. We’ll define obstacles as anything that hinders your progress toward a future reality. And I hope to convince you today that our perspective changes everything.
We’ll define perspective as our view in the current reality. So specifically, our perspective on the obstacle in front of us makes a huge difference in how we think, how respond, how we move forward in the future.
Caveat: A change in perspective may NOT change the obstacle itself…but a change in perspective changes you.
If we can work toward shifting and changing our perspective on the obstacles in front of us, we will have HOPE. Hope is simply the belief (confident expectation) that the current reality is not the final reality. In other words, when we have hope, we say there’s something better waiting on the other side of this obstacle.
Here's my story:
About 8 months ago, December 11, I get a call from my stepdad Wayne Kitchens telling me that my mom is alive but unresponsive and that paramedics are rushing her to St. Mary’s hospital in Athens… When my brother (Jay) and I arrive at the emergency room the diagnosis and the outlook were grim. Our mom had a massive stroke, bleeding on the brain, and the scans showed that nearly her entire left hemisphere was damaged and some of the middle area even into the right side.
And of course, this was devastating. We cried. We hugged. We prayed. We said I love yous.
We were told that she might not survive the next few hours.
The obstacles in front of her looked insurmountable.
***And let me stop here to say that catastrophic events of this nature are rare. Potentially inevitable, I mean, we will all experience events that bring life or death into the equation, they just won’t be every day.
So…in this catastrophic event there was only one perspective. Do whatever it takes to save her.
This is true in health emergencies, natural disasters, this can happen in business and in relationships too. When there is a catastrophic event and the obstacle in front of you is “the end,” you are just looking to survive. You aren’t referencing the 5-year strategic plan. You aren’t calculating the costs. In desperation, the objective is survival. The rest can be worked out later.
The first 24 hours passed by and we were all a nervous wreck. Not knowing what each next moment might bring. But by the grace of God, she survived. She had overcome the obstacle of death and now we all begin to have a new perspective on life.
Pain has a way of getting our attention.
Seeing a loved one on the brink of death can remind us of what is important. And from this point forward, perspective changes everything. Here’s what I mean:
The obstacles that my mom and Wayne began to face were huge boulders on their path to their future reality. She had lost complete mobility in her right side (dominant side). She couldn’t walk or write with her right hand. But the most disturbing was the inability to communicate. She couldn’t talk. The part of the brain that processes language had been damaged. We didn’t know what she could understand or comprehend. We were certain that she knew us. But we weren’t sure what she could understand.
So, the dreams and plans she and Wayne had of traveling in retirement were replaced by relearning how to hold a spoon and teaching her to feed herself. The long back porch heart-to-heart conversations would change to memory exercises and cognitive therapies. See, the catastrophic event, which could’ve ended in death, changed our perspective. Now we are sooooo grateful for the life that she has. We celebrate every new obstacle that she overcomes.
She can now wheel herself all over her house. She can feed herself. She picks out her own clothing. She is independent in some private quality of life moments. (Perspective has changed.) And while she can’t talk & communicate like she used to, she CAN laugh at you and with you. She has a word or two that she can say.
And Wayne has figured out how to discern the different tones of the two words to know if she’s approving or disapproving. (Our perspective has changed.) You might be thinking, “aww that’s terrible and sad”, and look, it is NOT what any of us drew up on the 5-year strategic plan, but NOW because we have a different perspective, we CAN celebrate the small steps of improvement and we CAN laugh with her.
A change in perspective may NOT change the obstacle itself…but a change in perspective changes you.
You might be thinking, “so what?” “How does this help me?” Here’s something practical for you.
How do you change your perspective about the obstacles you face?
Create space. Margin. If you are running from obstacle to obstacle, you won’t have time to assess the situation properly. Everything will feel urgent. Find a way to create space for solitude. Time alone. And quiet. Then you will be able to assess the obstacles as they come.
Ask yourself how big is this obstacle in my path? (Pardon the crude reference, but it will help you remember it. “Size matters.”)
Not all obstacles will be boulders. Very few will be.
Most will be small-sized pebbles that you can figure out on your own. Step over them. Simply remove them.
Sometimes there will be medium-sized stones that you will cause you to stop and think. You will need to exert a little extra effort to remove it, but you can do it. (Having difficult conversations, reading/studying other sources, exercise/medication, market shift/rising costs)
And times when there are large immovable rocks. You will need help. (Counselor, Pastor, Doctor, Consultant)
Be real and don’t go it alone. We are created for community. Even the most introverted of us aren’t designed to do life alone. Find a group of people you can be real with. (Church group, civic group, Chamber friends, work-out buddies, business partners.) You’re going to need them to help you see the different sides of the obstacle.
And they can encourage and help you overcome that obstacle.
Or worst case, you’ll need them help you slash someone’s tires and ask questions later. These are “ride or die” friends.
So, to change your perspective:
create space,
size matters (how big is this obstacle)
be real and don’t go it alone.
My mom is not where she was on Dec 10th (one day before the stroke) when she left me a voicemail saying, “I just wanted to say hey and hear your voice. I love you, give me a call.”
No, she’s not there anymore.
But she’s also not where she was on Dec 11th when we weren’t sure if she would live through the night.
And a proper perspective keeps all of that in line and keeps us hopeful for the future.
My mom’s current reality is NOT her final reality. So, we continue to hope.
Your current relational reality is NOT your final reality. So, there’s hope.
Your current business reality is NOT your final reality. So, there’s hope.
Our community’s current reality is NOT our final reality. So, there is hope.
A super smart dude in the first century named Paul of Tarsus said, “we boast in our sufferings (obstacles), knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope…and hope does NOT disappoint us…”
Ya’ll there is hope. A hope that does not disappoint.
Change your perspective about your obstacles and you’ll find hope for a better tomorrow.
