Mama Update: (Day 11-13) When Things Don’t Look Like They’re Supposed To

Friday 12/23 (days 11-13) for Bonnie Spencer Kitchens:

When things don’t look like they’re supposed to..

As many of you prepare to celebrate with family and friends this year, some things might not look like they’re supposed to. Maybe someone is missing from your traditional family gathering. Maybe it’s one of the dreaded “firsts” for you: first Christmas without ______. Or maybe it’s just a change in scenery. Maybe you’ve always celebrated Christmas at one family member’s house, and you had to change that this year, and well, things don’t look like they’re supposed to.

We mostly have fond memories of the way things were, the traditions and locations, specific meals and specific people. We have a way of clinging to the good parts of the past during the holiday season. And some part of us wants it to be the same every year. So you might catch yourself thinking or saying, “things don’t look like they’re supposed to this year.”

This year my family will try and celebrate Christmas with my mom in a waiting room somewhere at the Shepherd Center, and it goes without saying that things won’t look like they’re supposed to. There’s a change of scenery. There’s a change in tradition. And there’s a change in mama. Things don’t look like they’re supposed to.

But even in the midst of disorder, displacement, and honestly, disappointment..we can be grateful. And I use that phrase “can be” intentionally. It’s a choice.

We can be grateful that mama is still with us.
We can be grateful for the small indications of hope for recovery.
We can be grateful to finally be at Shepherd Center where she’s in the hands of the best of the best.
We can be grateful that we can visit her on Christmas Eve.
We can be grateful to have wonderful employment situations that offer us grace and flexibility during this time.
We can be grateful for all of the calls, texts, messages, and posts.
We can be grateful for the prayers.
We can be grateful, that although we don’t completely understand Him, God is in control.

So, yeah, it’s a choice to be grateful. And let me tell you, not a choice I want to make every day. I haven’t updated in a few days because I was frustrated and angry. I was livid with the way big corporate insurance determines the timelines and the best care for humans rather than family and trained medical professionals. I was losing patience with the people around me. And I was discouraged by what looked like steps backward in mama’s recovery. Things weren’t looking like they were supposed to. I could probably go on and on..

but we make a choice to be grateful.

There’s plenty of things going on with my mom, with you, and with me that aren’t looking like they’re supposed to this year. There are plenty of “firsts” this Christmas. And it’s ok to recognize them and..grieve..cry..remember..laugh..feel it all. FEEL. IT. ALL. And then find some things that you are grateful for, although it doesn’t look like it’s supposed to, and choose to be grateful.

It ain’t easy.
But it’ll change your Christmas.
That’s my challenge to you and to myself.